Seeing the Hand of God

After returning from Spring Break in the middle of March it was hard to fathom how I was going to make it 4 1/2 more months in Houston, and now it feels as though the time is going by to fast to keep up. Looking back over the past month there is one event that stands out the most in my mind that really showed me how intricately God is working within each and every encounter and circumstance which I would like to share with you.

The story really begins about 2 months ago on a Tuesday night. Normally this is the day I go to my small group, but on this particular night my head was filled with mucus and I had decided to stay home, take some medicine and go to bed early. It was about 7:00 pm or so as I lay in bed reading a book when I heard a knock on the door.  I got up and asked, "Who's there?" "Cailyn," I heard a young girl answer. 

I opened to door and greeted her. She quickly informed me about how she was going door to door trying to collect some money for Battle of the Bands at her school. Up to this point she had not had any luck and was about to give up. While I did not have much to offer, I went ahead and gave her a little bit of money.  She expressed her gratitude with exuberance. She then proceeded to comment on all of the yarn that we had in our living room and expressed interest in learning how to knit. I told Cailyn that I would be happy to teach her sometime. She excitedly told me that she could come back in about 10 minutes as she had to check with her mom. I told her that I was in need of some rest at the moment, but that she could come back on Saturday. She quickly agreed and we said our goodbyes.

That following Saturday she did not show up and as weeks continued to pass without another encounter I often thought of her and if her band had been able to raise the money they needed. Fast forward about a month or so at 9pm on a Saturday and you would find Laura, Andrea, Grace and I playing a game of California Mix (a card game favorite or us) in the dining room as Bekah made a late night snack in the kitchen. We were in between rounds and Bekah asked if we heard the knocking at the door. I thought she was being paranoid and had just heard Laura knocking on the table but for her peace of mind I went to the door to prove there was no one there. I unlocked the door and flung it open expecting there to be no one there as we rarely have visitors, especially at that time of night. To my surprise there stood a young girl. She looked vaguely familiar, but it wasn't until she spoke and said how she remembered me that I was able to place her.  It was Cailyn. She said someone had been chasing her and she ran to our house. She asked to come in and use a phone to call someone to come and get her. I let her in, and locked the door again. 

At this point my other housemates began to trickle in as they realized there had indeed been someone at the door.  Cailyn was visibly shaken and we offered her some water which she accepted. We began talking and it quickly became clear that she had not been running from a stranger but in fact was escaping from an abusive mother. She explained how her dad had passed away a year ago and this was a hard time of year for their family as often anniversaries of this nature are. In order to cope alcohol became a normal in the house. Cailyn talked fondly of memories with her dad and recalled his way with words. She too had a way with words. We invited her to come and eat some ice cream and we ended up playing some Go Fish as we continued to talk. Talks of how Cailyn was currently 16 and it was her dream to attend Baylor Uniersity. She has a love of math and was in several clubs at school including debate. It was about 10:30 when we were all starting to feel tired and ready for bed. 

We asked Cailyn if it would be safe for her to return home.  She stated that at this point her mom would have already locked her out and that no matter when she returned it would not end well for her. We began seeking help from our City Director as well as other people from our church who could offer assistance in finding a safe environment Cailyn. After a period of time we were able to find an emergency shelter for youth who would be able to house her as well as contacting HPD. The police arrived and after hearing Cailyn's story of current and past abuse they saw the importance of documenting the event. We gave them our statement and were given reassurance that Cailyn would be taken to the shelter that night and steps would be taken for arresting the mother for abuse. Before we parted ways we made sure that Cailyn had all of our contact information so she could call us if she needed anything.

We have not heard from her after that night and there are many days I wonder how she is doing. What do her days look like now? Has she found hope? While I do not have answers to these questions I do know that God's hand was all over this encounter and that He will not let her down. I am so grateful to have been able to take part in this part of this young woman's journey. Someday I do hope to hear from her and hear about how she was able to go to Baylor University and how much God has blessed her. Until that day I will continue to pray for her and trust that God is at work and will carry into completion the plans that He has for her just as He will continue to work out His purposes in me.

Broken Glass

As you walk through my neighborhood it is hard to go a block without seeing broken glass. Today I was struck by the pieces I saw. Some of the glass was clear giving me the ability to see what was beneath it. Others were colored making it more difficult to decipher what was hiding below. Still others were reflective and allowed me to see myself. Each section of glass was broken, but even in the brokenness there was a uniqueness. Some of the pieces were held together by stickers. Then there were those that were scattered in seemingly every direction.

In my own life there is brokenness. In the world around me there is even more. Some of our brokenness is harder to see though. The damage that is caused is covered up and hidden so others cannot see beyond what we show. Sometimes what is seen is anger and rage. Other times it is a snazzy outfit and a great smile. There are times that we may take off the color and allow others into our world of hurt. I have been blessed in my own life to have those who I can open up to and show what is behind the colored glass. These people have been like the reflective glass helping me to see myself and the beauty within all my brokenness. At times they have been there to help glue pieces back together and other times they have helped to remove pieces that don't quite belong.

In this season of life I am finding more broken pieces and having to figure out how they fit into my life. This brokenness is, at times, overwhelming. I know, however, that the time and energy it takes for me to sift through the pieces will be well worth the effort. I am grateful for this time of pain because I know that when I move towards the pain, that is when I will truly grow.

Abundance

Recently I heard a message about John 6 and the feeding of the 5,000. In this story Jesus asks his disciples to feed the people who have gathered. Philip makes excuses saying that it would cost too much to feed such a crowd. Andrew brings forward a boy who has some food, and then minimizes how much is available by stressing the fact that the food is small. Jesus, on the other hand, sees all of this and also all the possibilities within the little. He gives thanks for the food the boy has surrendered. Instead of running out of food, the amount is multiplied and there is enough to go around and more, 12 baskets more.

As I look over my life, I see how focused I was on my own perceived needs and how they affected me, forgetting to look at what I had and how it could be used to bless others. God can do much with little if I am willing to surrender what I have into His hands. I see this every week as we go grocery shopping on our small stipend of $85 for 5 girls. There is somehow always enough money for what we need plus some extra. In addition, each week we invite neighbors, friends we have made or co-workers to join us for dinner once a week. Even though by the world's standards we have very little, God is providing an abundance and we will not keep it to ourselves.

My Mission

My idea of mission before I came to Houston, Texas to join with Mission Year was very much centered on what I was going to do for God to further the Kingdom. I was convinced that my team and I were going to change the neighborhood for the better and that God was going to show Himself in great and powerful ways. The longer I stay in Houston, the more my concept of mission is changing. I am coming to realize that it is not about how I am going to change anyone or anything, but rather how God is going to change me so that I can be a greater tool in His mission for change. God is the real missionary and I am simply along for the ride. It is my job to be still and look for Him in the moments of chaos, the moments of business, the moments of calm, and the moments of turmoil.

God is moving, and I am learning to look for Him in the everyday, in the routine. God is in the face of the neighbor who joyously hands me a bunch of bananas even though I have nothing to offer in return but my thanks. God is the concern of the stranger as they ask to see if I am okay since I am in a neighborhood not often traveled by young white women. God is in the moments with co-workers and clients at work as we exchange words of hope and encouragement or share in moments of laughter. God is there in the moments of tears and pain shared with housemates. God is there in the embrace of a friend.

There are moments in the everyday, opportunities to show others the love of God in simple and realistic ways. This may be in stopping to have a conversation with the man on the corner looking for work, or offering a smile to the people who pass by me as I wait for the bus. Showing love and letting people know that they have been seen has become my new mission. It is not my job to change people. God is the only one capable of bringing that about, but what I can do is be with people and love them. I can extend a listening ear and a look of recognition. I can offer a smile and conversation. As I am faithful in reaching out beyond myself, God will plant the seeds and water them in His timing.

God is always moving, whether in Houston, Texas or in the Netherlands. God has a mission and I want to be a part of it.

Sweet Memories

                         Night came

        pajamas

                     brush teeth

                               jump in bed

       snuggle in

               then you came

  pulled the covers up

                 spoke a prayer over me

       for my dreams

                             for my future

               a soft and prickly kiss on my lips

                       (or forehead as I got older)

      then lights out

                         eyes close

             dreams began

       until the next night came

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is approaching quickly, and so I feel it is only right to post a list of the many things for which I am thankful.

-God, who often surprises me in the little things He does
-My friends who continue to love me an pray for me even though physical distance is far, they remind me that I am still important to them.
-New friends who bless me and remind me that I do have a purpose for being here in Texas at such a time as this
-My small group which gives me the opportunity to connect with other believers and exercise my voice
-My family who love me enough to support me in this new adventure
-Surprise packages
-Leaves that crunch under my feet (even if I don't get to see brightly colored autumn leaves of Ohio)
-That I am never to old to learn something new
-That God is not done with me yet
-Being able to provide GED tutoring in math
-Cooler weather (it is in the 70's finally and I am hoping it stays there or goes lower) :-)
-Good books to read
-Paint
-Continuing to discover new things about myself
-Great co-workers
-Meeting neighbors
-Granny Short
-My Guitar
-New music to listen to
-Letters in the mail
-Hot tea
-Fuzzy blankets to snuggle with
-Popcorn
-Transportation
-My morning bus driver (who is always smiling)
-The view of the city on the way to work
-Quiet mornings
-Gourds
-Pumpkin painting
-Fall crafts
-Hoodies
-Being challenged to grow

I am grateful for these and so much more. I am looking forward to what the future brings and more reasons to be thankful as the year comes to a close and a new one begins.

Two Questions

These two questions keep echoing in my soul

                       Who has power forgotten?

       Who is religion oppressing?

                  The answer:

                                             The convict

                                                      Minorities

                                    The poor

                                             The LGBTQ community

       So often I search for the easy answer

                  The neat package

                                    The ‘safest’ route

    But this is not what Jesus taught

                               Rather than easy, Jesus chose difficulty

                    Rather than neat, Jesus chose

the lepers, prostitutes, and tax collectors

                         Rather than safety, Jesus chose the cross

Why should I think that my path would be any different?

                                    Jesus

                                    The ultimate example

              ‘Let the one without sin cast the first stone’

Judgment is not mine to bestow

                                                I am called to love

                                                      The convict

                           The minorities

                                             The poor

                                                       The LGBT community

                        And more

                                       Who has power forgotten?

                  Who is religion oppressing?

                         It is anyone who is not being shown love

         Love is patient and kind

                                It does not boast and is not proud

   Love is not rude and keeps no record of wrongs

                  It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes and always perseveres