The time is
nearing for me to leave for Chicago for my one week training and then on to
Houston. It is hard to believe that the
time for final good-byes could be so near.
Over the course of this past month I have been preparing for the move
into my parent’s house. Packing boxes
and passing them off on a Sunday mornings or on Tuesday nights after my cell
group meetings. With each box I packed the more real this transition became.
With each empty drawer, closet or room my heart broke a little more for what I
was giving up.
At work I
have been doing a lot of cleaning and organizing lately. For those of you who
don’t know, I work at a childcare center with school-age kids. When numbers are
low my kids stay with the Pre-K classroom and I am asked to do the odd jobs.
Lately I have been asked to organize the books in our collection. This is quite
the task, and in order to do it well I often read the books in order to know
how to categorize them. Such is the case this last week. I came across a book
written by Karen Kingsbury about all the moments of last that a parent
experiences. The last time their child needs help with homework, the last time
that they run up and give you a surprise hug, etc. Reading this book has made
me realize all the lasts that I too have been experiencing lately.
The last time that I…
- Slept in the house I have lived with my best friend and little brother.
- Cooked dinner for 3
- Wrote a rent check
- Did my morning devotions at the bar or dining room table
- Came home to the sleepy face of my dog and her excited howling when she realized I was home
- Sat up late with my roommate eating cheesy pretzels and pizza as we chilled and watched some Netflix
- Had an early morning chat with my brother after he came home from work.
- Bought groceries with Megan
- Carpooled on the way to church, the mall, or any myriad of other places with Megan
- Did yoga with Adrienne (no more internet)
- Locked the door to the place I have called home for 3 ½ years and drove away
I could continue on with all the lasts I have already
experienced, and then there is the list of lasts that are quickly approaching.
- My last day of work
- The last time I sing on the worship team
- The last time I go to an elders meeting
- The last cell group
- The last time I wake up in Ohio (at least for several months)
- The last time I see my friends and family on a consistent basis
- The last goodbyes at the airport
With each
of the lasts that I experience, my heart breaks a little more. With each last
that I see coming soon, my heart is not sure that it can handle any more pain.
But with each new last I still have the peace of God directing me forward,
reassuring me that this is all for my good.
Some one
once told me that in order for God to move us on to the next thing it oftentimes
means leaving something else behind. And this is definitely true in this
preparation period for Mission Year. I am giving up the way that I had
envisioned my life up to this point. I am letting go of friendships, as I have
known them, and trusting that God will continue to form them into something
beautiful. I am letting go of the familiar and moving out into the unknown.
Even with
all of the lasts, there is hope in all of the firsts that are also coming my
way.
- The first time I step off the plane in Chicago
- The first time I meet the girls I will be living with for the next 11 months
- The first time I make my way to Houston, TX
- The first time I visit my service site
- The first time I visit with my new neighbors
- The first time I meet my new church
In the end
there are probably more first that I will have the chance to experience simply
because I was willing to go through all of the lasts. I thank God that I have
Him to help me through the lasts so that I will more fully be able to enjoy all of
the firsts.
